Date: 27th July 2007 at 4:02pm
Written by:

‘Well it looks like we mighta made it, yes it looks like we made it to the end.’

So sang Damon Albarn of Blur, and alas, if only this summer close season had been a blur, but it’s draaaaaagged onandonandonandon. But There’s friendlies afoot, and a new season not far away. Whew. Tangible relief all round, and STILL time to sign a winger…

Jermaine Cracks On / Rafa Babels On about Tasty Nando’s / Gabby, You’re Off

Erstwhile former ‘hardest-working-right-sided-midfielder in england’ (according to Peter Taylor), ex-car-crasher-extraordinaire (later detained at Her Majesty’s pleasure), and bestest-buddy-with-Cashley (they run tings…), Jermaine Pennant, gave utterances yesterday of how he is adamant he’ll show Rafa-El-Gaffa what a smart, well wikkid move he made in keeping hold of the former starlet in his Liverpool Revolution LiverBirds squad, so say the Times paper-of-newseth.

Pennant, who sees his playing time threatened by new arrivals Yossi Zjiants and Ryan BabelFace, said that, “The manager said in a meeting recently with us that he wants the players proving in training every day that they are fighting for their positions,”

“You have to do that if you want to play because it really, really counts. If you don`t pull your weight in training then you know your place might go. The history of this club and how big it is means you can`t let your standards slip for one minute.”

Amazingly, if only he’d adopted that attitude at Arsenal, and spent less time on the lash, he might well still be there, and would have already competed in a Champions League final before ‘pool got there again last year.

Elsewhere at the Mersey club, The Times report, The House of Scouse should be at tippety-top-tastic strength for this weekend’s Asia Trophy (which is kinda like the Peace Cup, but presumably with more prestige…), with new over-priced striker of some note, and scorer of few goals (so far, Liverpool fans, before you smack me down…) Fernando Torres given international clearance to make his, well international debut with Liverpool, along with Ryan BabelFace (you remember him, he’s the one who said he’d stay one more year at Ajax before playing under Arsene Wenger. Well, it IS said that a week is a long time in football, and let’s face it, the rate at which Rafa gets through players, it’s still a possibility – Jan Kronkamp hardly had time to change his pants in his hotel room before he was back on a plane again…), where they will be facing the Portsmouth Cockneys, marshalled by Head Coach Harold Redknapp, with dee-fensive co-ordinator, Tony Adams, adding steel at the back. The Cockneys have a one-and-zip record in the Asia Trophy, having beaten the Fulham Cottagers en route to the final. Both teams will be hoping the game doesn’t go into overtime. If it does, Rafa has new special teams player Torres who can kick the all important 3point field goal, should it come to it.

STILL at Anfield (c’mon wingers, get ooooooo-ver it, dude, they cry), the Argentine fullback with the fullness of hair that any man in his mid-forties would be dead envious of, like, Gabriel Heinze, aims to give it to Sir Taggart Fergieson firmly and squarely in the nadgers, and has employed Liverpool’s legal advisers in an attempt to secure his move away from the Manchester Buccaneers (do check that site out, it’s cracking…), down the road to the ‘Pool, so sayeth the Guardian, who go on to say it’ll make his position at Old Trafford untenable. And what’s more, it’ll make it pretty hard for him to stay there too. This has all come about because of the infamous letter United supposedly wrote, agreeing to sell him to any club willing to match their £6m valuation.

Lost In Liverpool

And it appears I am, having still yet more to say about the clubs from the area. And following on from the article on Arsenal VF with images of Liverpool’s new ground design, what should I stumble across this morning, but a nice article from Toffeeweb with lots of piccies of Everton’s new Stadium. Link here:

I’m sure it’ll look lovely, should they get around to building it, but it’s all a bit square isn’t it? And they really seem to love White Hart Lane quite a lot, eulogising it’s translucent roof border (maybe that’s where the spuds title chances continually evaporate through?). Anyway, have a butcher’s and see what you think. Comments below, you kind, good and just folk…

Bent Spurs Striker Mouths Off

The Daily Mirror runs with the spuddies new(ish) signing Darren ‘English Means I Cost More’ Bent, declaring war on The Arsenal. Young Darren, an impressionable young soul, and obviously prone to the odd mistake, says in the piece, ‘Spurts are a club that are definitely going forward.

‘You only have to look at their consecutive fifth place finishes in the past two years to see that.

‘For me, there was no other place to go. I believe Spurts have a real opportunity to break into the top four now and I think we can be one of the biggest clubs in Europe.’

For him, there was no other place to go. Yup that’s right, because Arsenal didn’t want you. Poor chap.

Staying at the Lane (I’m holding a hankie over my nose to stem the foul stench from entering my nostrils, dear readers…), the spuds are gutted at having lost out on Martin Petrov to Sexy Svennis, The god of love now managing his way at Manchester City, who signed the Bulgarian winger in a £4.7m deal. Petrov told Sky Sports,

‘My choice is not only about money, but football questions too,’

‘Simply, I need to play and I believe I would get more minutes for City than Totteringham.

‘I did speak with Berbatov and he tried to convince me to join Totteringham, but our ways will be different in England. He is a friend, but has accepted my decision.’Eriksson is ambitious and City is a very attractive challenge for me and I believe we will be successful.

‘I am fit after my injury problems, I am strong and I think my style will suit the English game.’

Sven clicks his fingers, and they all come running, it must be like being back at the FA again in the secretary pool…

In other spuddie happenings, ENIC have extended their holding in the north london shadow-dwellers to 66.8%, the Guardian reports.

Nicking Nic

The Orcs. Remember them? Managed by a grotesque caricature of a man, part human, part walrus, all gut. Sadly (you sure???) Sam Allardyce has left them, and now we may go back to calling them Bolton again. Maybe – the jury’s still out yet. But Phil Gartside’s there, as is their pretty-decent former Arsenal striker Nicolas Anelka, and The Guardian are giving it large about how the former is not not a happy bunny with Wet Sham, demanding answers from the Wet Sham chairman, The Mekon, along the lines of ‘what’s all this about you tapping up our striker (the latter)?’

Gartside said that The Mekon had given him assurances that Wet Sham had done nothing of the sort, saying, ‘I had a conversation with Eggert and he has assured me there is nothing untoward. He has given me a personal assurance that he and his club are not involved in anything like that. There has been no bid for Nicolas, and Nicolas has told me he wants to stay. We bought a winger today to supply him.’

Bolton also hope to complete the loan deal for Swede Christian Wilhelmsson, from Nantes, inform the Independent. Sammy Lee, who looks like a little cheeky character from a Disney Film, what with his ruddy cheeks, turned up nose, and piggy eyes, said, ‘I am delighted that we have finalised the deal to bring Christian Wilhelmsson to Bolton,’

‘He has the potential to light up the League with his pace and skill.’

Rooney Hailed by Fergie

Sky Sports hail from on high with the story today of Sir Fergie of Trafford, who is eulogising his star Striker, Wayne Rooney. They Report Fergie as saying (to The Sun),

He just loves football and loves training and he will be a big player next year, believe me,’

‘He will have a great season, because he’s had a proper pre-season for the first time with us. He will be fine.

‘Nothing bothers Rooney. He is incredible, a very strong character.

‘Wayne is exceptional. He gets up and is the first in the training ground every morning.

‘We like the players to come in for breakfast and he is in at 8.45am, the first there. Unbelievable.’

No comment needed whatsoever regarding that sentence… I KNOW you’ll be affording yourself a snide chuckle, just like I did.

And that’s yer lot, old chums. If you’ve made it through this alive and in one piece, then congratulations, those tossers from ‘Lost’ never had to overcome such a daunting task.

I’ll no doubt be back with more ramblings soon, but it’s ALMOST TIME FOR THE EMIRATES CUP!!! A first look at the new chaps in their new home environ. COME ON YOU REDS!

take care, y’all..