Date: 12th January 2007 at 2:50pm
Written by:

After attracting a greatly increased number of customers to the following brand over the last 3 years, it has come to the attention of Vital Arsenal member BazStores That there is in fact a problem with the brand.

I wont go into any more detail, I`ll let BazStores explain…

Trading Standard Officers have ordered the urgent recall of a defective product found to be faulty and dangerous.

Over the Christmas and New Year period, tests proved the components in the product called ‘Chelsea FC’ would fall apart when placed under the smallest amount of pressure. Consumers first experienced problems last year, when it was noted the product failed to work properly in Europe. Complaints were made about it malfunctioning and then emitting a continuous whining noise – usually in Portuguese. At the time the complaints were ignored. But when the product started falling apart in Britain over Christmas, the Trading Standards Authority took action.

A spokesman warned: ‘We particularly want to stress to parents that, with Chelsea FC, there is a genuine risk of choking that may end in tears come May.

Despite assurances from the company behind the product that action was taken to correct the faulty parts, including abandoning the use of the highly unpredictable and sub-standard component ‘Robert Huth’, malfunctions have continued. Consumers have been urged to check the small print carefully for the words ‘this product may contain traces of Shevchenko’. If that is the case buyers of the product are urged to put it back in its box and return immediately. ‘Shevchenko’ has been known to cause a severe allergic reaction in many consumers, causing them to shout involuntarily ‘You useless Ukrainian t**t and ‘for f*** sake bring back Carlton Cole’.



Article Submitted By BazStores



Articles submitted by Vital Arsenal members are based on the opinion of the member and not necessarily the view’s of the network itself.

 

10 Replies to “Vital Arsenal Exclusive!”

  • Apparently this year there is also a new over-priced useless ****-shaped part made in London, that seems to create short circuits that causes the system to shut down.

  • Trading Standard Officers have ordered the urgent recall of a defective product found to be faulty and dangerous.

    Over the Christmas and New Year period, tests proved the components in the product called ‘Arsenal FC’ would fall apart when placed under the smallest amount of pressure. Consumers first experienced problems last year, when it was noted the product failed to work properly in Europe. Complaints were made about it malfunctioning and then emitting a continuous whining noise – usually in French. At the time the complaints were ignored. But when the product started falling apart in Britain over Christmas, the Trading Standards Authority took action.

    A spokesman warned: ‘We particularly want to stress to parents that, with Arsenal FC, there is a genuine risk of choking that may end in tears come May.

    Despite assurances from the company behind the product that action was taken to correct the faulty parts, including abandoning the use of the highly unpredictable and sub-standard component ‘Freddie’, malfunctions have continued. Consumers have been urged to check the small print carefully for the words ‘this product may contain traces of Reyes’. If that is the case buyers of the product are urged to put it back in its box and return immediately. ‘Reyes’ has been known to cause a severe allergic reaction in many consumers, causing them to shout involuntarily ‘You useless Spannish t**t and ‘for f*** sake bring back Dennis Bergkamp’.

    Thats more like it, this aplies to both of your whinging teams and managers!!! COYS

  • Yeah, bad copy paste work. I’d have enjoyed it if you’d have come up with a proper retort, like that time they had a “Wenger Trial” over at vitalchelsea.
    And by the way, the product hasn’t worked well in the north in recent years, but it appears to work well in fog-prone areas lately!

  • Product’s still in the factory mate, using the latest ‘Wengernode’ technology. Not ready for the shelves yet, but will revolutionise the world in eighteen months time!

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