Date: 17th May 2014 at 9:19pm
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Arsene Wenger is wanted for attempted murder after an elaborate 9 year assassination plot was uncovered on Saturday evening.

The Arsenal manager undertook a flamboyant attempt at ending the life of Vital Arsenal editor, Rocky7.

The plot came to light following the FA Cup final on May 17th 2014 when it became obvious that the Frenchman had spent the last 9 years trying to sneakily kill the rotund Yorkshire via the means of lethal heart attack.

After 8 seasons without a trophy, Wenger contrived to ensure the Gunners fell 2 goals behind to the un-fancied Hull City within 7 minutes of the start of the FA Cup final only to spurn chance after chance and hitting the woodwork before finally winning the cup in the most dramatic of circumstances in an attempt to induce cardiac arrest in the internet muppet to end his sad little life.

Wenger`s plot was foiled however following a slight oversight. Rocky7`s was able to endure the ordeal as his heart had already been stolen by Arsenal back in 1987.

Arsene Wenger is still at large and was last spotted on the streets of London sporting a soggy shirt and a smile.






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