Date: 1st September 2014 at 8:55am
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So here it is, modern football’s Waterloo. Transfer Deadline Day. The final confirmation that football is more soap opera than sport. The sword that slayed sense. Forget cup competitions and league points, signings are the real trophies now.

Transfer deadline day reminds me of the news that nude photos of Jennifer Lawrence have been leaked. It’s abhorrent, offensive, exploitative and a sad indictment of the world we live in. But you can’t stop yourself looking. And you hate yourself for it. My you hate yourself for it.

So, without further ado, it’s the traditional, biannual transfer deadline day blog:

Arsene says he will be ‘very active’ today and news broke last night that Arsenal are prepared to do battle with Manchesters City and United to sign Radamel Falcao for £55m. That sort of money for a 28 year old recovering from a cruciate ligament injury seems fanciful to me, but there you go.

Other rumours include William Carvalho from Sporting Lisbon, Sokratis Papastathopoulos from Borussia Dortmund and Carlos Bacca from Sevilla, let’s see what the tackiest day of the year brings to Arsenal’s squad. The blog will be updated throughout the day.

09.00- Defender news as Ignasi Miquel has passed a medical at Norwich City and looks set to join the Championship side. Meanwhile, the Guardian reports that Arsenal have made an enquiry for Nastasic at City. Benfica are awaiting Arsenal’s response overe a bid for Joel Campbell.

09.23- The Mail are reporting that Ron Vlaar could be a possible target for Arsenal, whilst Manchester City apparently have a private jet waiting for Radamel Falcao. Time for Vic Akers to rev up the vespa?

10.03- It looks like Radamel Falcao is going to be a Manchester United player. Akers is parking his vespa back up.

10.25- Ron Vlaar’s agent says the Dutch defender will not be moving in this window, quashing Arsenal’s rumoured interest. “He still has a contract with Villa so he will stay there.”

Meanwhile, it looks as though United have nabbed Falcao on loan.

11.27- The Telegraph’s Jeremy Wilson suggests Arsenal are expecting a quiet day, with some centre back cover possibly coming in but a striker looking unlikely.

11.49- Twitter briefly went into meltdown at the news that Arsene Wenger is refereeing a charity match in Rome today. But then it was gently pointed out to them that Arsenal signed 4 players whilst Wenger was playing futevolley on Ipanema beach……

12.33- Was wondering when something ridiculous would be floated, but here it is. Apparently Jermain Defoe has been offered to Arsenal on loan. Surprisingly, Arsenal aren’t said to be keen…..

13.10- BBC’s David Ornstein says it’s ‘unlikely’ Arsenal will bring anyone in before the deadline, bar maybe a few exits or “a late surprise.”

13.13- Gary Jacob from the Times says Danny Welbeck would have been open to a move to Arsenal, but Wenger was not interested.

13.40- Jeremy Wilson of the Telegraph reporting that Ryo Miyachi will be allowed to join Feyenoord.

13.44- Latest rumour is that Arsenal have made a loan offer for Juventus’ Sebastien Giovinco.

14.51- The Express is reporting that Arsenal are making a late £22m SWOOP for Wilfried Bony of Swansea and West Ham’s Winston Reid. The article is full of those annoying vaguaries that suggest guess work though. “It seems,” and “reports suggest” (from who? From you!).

Also seems to fundamentally misunderstand the definition of a release clause with the sentence, “Arsenal may be willing to meet the Ivory Coast international’s £19m release clause, but Swansea could still oppose the move and request a higher fee.”

My bullshit-o-meter is going doolalley.

15.17- The feint whiff of bullshit once again fills the air, some suggestion that a deal for William Carvalho is not yet dead and that Arsenal might pursue Alvaro Negredo from Manchester City.

17.09- Some guff floating around suggesting Arsenal are still trying for William Carvalho and Sporting may be listening, some slightly less believable guff that we’ve made enquiries about Alvaro Negredo at Manchester City.

17.27- O Jogo newspaper in Portugal reports that Joel Campbell’s agent is trying to convince Arsenal to accept a £10m offer
from Benfica.

17.49- The noise seems to be that it’s Matija Nastasic that Arsenal are going to spend the last few hours on. City want him off the payroll and are unlikely to offer him a squad in their reduced Champions League roster and Arsenal need a centre half.

17.55- The Standard’s James Olley reports that Danny Welbeck is trying to force through a move to Arsenal. He’s been at London Colney today training with the England team.

18.34- Sky is reporting that Danny Welbeck is having a medical at Arsenal with no further details on a prospective deal.

18.56- reports suggest it’ll be a one year loan deal for Danny Welbeck at a cost of around £6m for the Gunners.

19.00- Guilleme Balague tells Sky Sports News Arsenal are in for a French based player that can play centre half and in midfield. No names given. The big tease.

19.04- Reports now suggesting United and Arsenal are negotiating for Welbeck and that United only want to loan, whilst Arsenal want an option to buy.

19.10- It’s hotting up. Sky say a medical for Welbeck has been completed, but a deal not yet agreed. Meanwhile, Sporting say they’ve turned down our advances for William Carvalho and Ryo Mitachi has apparently joined FC Twente in loan.

19.22- Danny Welbeck’s agent has told BBC Radio 5 that 3 clubs are on for Welbeck, 2 chasing a permanent deal, 1 a loan. He suggests the loan fee is £3m and the permanent fee would be £18m.

19.27- Sky are now saying that they’ve been told categorically by Arsenal that no medical has taken place for Danny Welbeck and a deal is not in place.

19.37- Conflicting reports everywhere now. Arsenal seem to be suggesting that they are not in for Welbeck with some journalists carrying that story, others suggest the clubs are in a dialogue over the player but some details to iron out before a deal is done. Could be smoke and mirrors, could be bullshit. Impossible to tell really, but we’ll know for sure soon enough.

19.46- Apparently the dude that spoke to Radio 5 wasn’t Welbeck’s agent at all. Which figures, because you’d figure Welbeck’s agent would be too busy to talk to BBC Radio right now. Looks like an agent that’s trying to become part of the deal. (This happens a lot amongst agents, one phonecall or one interview and they can legitimately claim to be “part of the deal” and can claim a fee).

19.52- Arsene Wenger has given some quotes to the Italian press in Rome, “My wish is to sign a player before midnight. I am not in Rome for transfer business, but until the end things can still happen. At the moment there`s nothing, though.” Meanwhile David Ornstein tells Radio 5 Live that Arsenal are in dialogue over the transfer of Danny Welbeck but that the transfer is very complicated and he doesn’t think Arsenal will have enough time to do the deal.

20.50- Alan Smith tells Sky Sports News he’s had a text to say Welbeck to Arsenal is done. We’ve jumped the shark people.

21.01- SSN say a permanent deal for Welbeck is close, but not yet done.

21.15- BBC reporting that United and Arsenal have agreed a £16m deal.

21.19- Ignasi Miquel has joined Norwich City on a 3 year deal, the Championship club confirm. FC Twente have signed Ryo Miyachi on a one year loan deal with reports suggesting he’s also signed a one year extension at Arsenal.

21.24- SSN report deal not quite agreed between United and Arsenal for Welbeck. BBC’s David Ornstein says a deal is agreed for £16m and no issues are anticipated with terms or medical.

22.06- Everyone seems to agree that Arsenal and United have agreed a fee for Danny Welbeck, but finishing touches of deal need to be done. Some twitter whispers that a defender still not out of the question, but conspicuously no names mentioned. Manchester City have already said Nastasic will not be leaving in this window.

22.57- SSN say Arsenal have applied for an extension from the Premier League to seal the signing of Danny Welbeck, but club are confident it’ll get done.

23.00- Deadline arrives with SSN reporting that the Premier League have granted Arsenal their extension in order to finish the deal to sign Danny Welbeck.

23.03- @DanishFooty: FC Midtjylland confirms the signing of Arsenal midfielder Kristoffer Olsson on a loan deal with option to buy.