Date: 18th April 2008 at 2:42pm
Written by:

1. Steven Gerrard dived for a penalty on two occasions last Sunday. Why did no media outlet report this?

2.Why have no questions been asked of Howard Webb? Last Sunday he waved play on after a foul on van Persie, Adebayor then ran through on goal only for Webb to reverse his decision. Why has this not been reported by a single media outlet?

3. Wayne Rooney handled the ball in the area in the last minute last Sunday. Why has this not been reported by a single media outlet?

4. Arsenal fans spontaneously stayed behind and sang “we love you Arsenal” constantly, for twenty five minutes after the final whistle last Sunday, before being forcibly removed by over zealous United stewards. Why has this not been reported by a single media outlet?

5. How would Sly Sports have reacted had obese, bare chested Geordies performed the same gesture? (Fat chance, they`d be over at the boardroom window shouting ‘sack the board`).

6. Leeds United were deducted fifteen points at the beginning of the season. This week, a panel will sit and review the decision, but cannot promise a final decision will be made for “another three or four weeks.” This will take us up until after the first leg of the play off semi final has been played. Given that Leeds currently sit 13 points outside the play off zone, do the Football League not think it might be a decent idea for them to get their lazy arses into gear?

7. Do television companies not realise how completely unfair it was to ask Chelsea to play on television twice in a week? That means they bored us all shitless twice in four days.

8. With Manchester United to play Blackburn (managed by Fergie protégé Mark Hughes) and West Ham (managed by Fergie`s pal Curbishley) and Wigan (managed by Fergie protégé Steve Bruce), can Chelsea safely assume that nobody will do them any favours?

9. How did John Terry react to the news that eleven of Chelsea`s fourteen Youth Cup Final team were non British?

10. Did anyone else spot the irony of Kevin Davies, the Premiership`s dirtiest footballer bar Michael Brown, picking up a two match suspension courtesy of a ridiculously harsh yellow card?

11. Anyone else taken a sudden liking towards Barcelona?

12. Did anybody else really cringe at Hicks` recorded interview in which he demanded the resignation of Alan Parry? With the kids in Liverpool shirts. Ugh. Almost as cringe worthy as calling your ill conceived, filthy takeover holdings company Red and White.

13. Ian Wright quit the BBC this week, complaining that he was made into a ‘court jester` figure. Is he familiar with the expression that if it is pink, has a curly tail and goes oink, it`s usually a pig? (Wrighty is a player I love, but as a pundit, embarrassing).

14. How does Gary Megson have the gumption to implore Rafa Benitez to ‘retain the integrity of the Premier League` with his team selection after picking his under 12s in the UEFA Cup?

15. David Moyes was charged with misconduct this week for comments he made in October. Is this the newly sped up disciplinary process the F.A promised us?

16. Will Adebayor hit the thirty goal mark this season and would it make him the most maligned striker ever to reach that figure? (He sits on 26 with four games remaining).

17. Will anyone pay attention to poor Nicky Bendtner? (Positive attention, not the sort where they head butt him!)

18. Fernando Torres has told the press that Ronaldo “carries United on his back at times.” You`d know all about that wouldn`t you Nando?

19. Did Manuel Almunia hurt his wrist bitch slapping Jens Lehmann?

20. To those of you about to bash furiously at your keyboards declaring how much you hate this weekly series and how infuriating you find it. Can I ask why you keep reading it?LD.