Date: 13th November 2008 at 11:14am
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By and large, footballers are not the most cranially gifted beings on earth. Following on from Ray ‘Butch` Wilkins karma inducing statements about Arsenal`s selection policy for the League Cup, I thought I`d recount some of the best foot in mouth moments ever from the mouthpieces of those just daring the football Gods to exercise their wrath.

“They would do well. They might get a point.” Our very own Cesc Fabregas taunts Spurs by telling them they would only get a draw from our Ladies side. 24 hours after the quotes went to press, Spurs clawed back a 4-2 deficit with two goals in injury time, leaving Cesc looking like the blushing belle.

“You don`t win anything with kids.” Alan Hansen`s now quasi legendary sentiment has slipped seamlessly into footballing folklore, after United`s kids were trashed 3-1 at Villa Park on the opening day of the 95-96 season. Of course United finished the season by winning the Double.

“If Arsenal win the league, I`ll eat my hat.” Mark Lawrenson in February 1998. The Gunners subsequently won ten games in a row to win the league with two games to spare; the moustachioed twatlet reneged on his promise as he has never knowingly chowed down on his trilby.

“Most of them just sit there eating their prawn sandwiches and have no idea what`s going on.” Another that has slipped effortlessly into the footballing lexicon, Roy Keane is in typically laconic mood when lambasting United`s corporate support. Of course, he was right, but his words rang more than a little hollow given that they emanated from his mouth around two weeks after demanding United make him the highest paid player in the Premiership.

“He used to be fit as a butcher`s dog, but now he looks more like Mr. Blobby.” John Gregory publicly slates his very own David Ginola during his Villa days in 2001. 24 hours after accusing Ginola of being overweight, the Frenchman hit a stunning late equaliser, before removing his shirt in celebration, showing his manager a rippling torso.

“I`m proud to say I`ve never lost against Manchester City, even back to when I was in the Youth Team here I have never lost a game against City.” Gary Neville on the morning of a Manchester derby at Maine Road. He promptly made an enormous cock up, losing possession in his own six yard box to Shaun Goater as City won 3-1.

“When I was growing up, working class lads like me in the East End lived and breathed football. Now I rarely see a kickabout in the park. All I see are the dazzling lights of bedroom windows from the glare of TVs and computers. It seems football cannot compete with an Xbox.’ Harry Redknapp, two months before Nintendo threw a wad of cash his way to advertise the wii. Man of unedifying principle is our ‘Arry.

“You weren`t world class when Arsenal signed you.” Arsene Wenger`s reported response to Patrick Vieira, when the then Arsenal captain unwisely asked his manager why the Gunners weren`t splashing the cash on big names.

“It`s perhaps poetic justice that Arsenal are to win on the night, but not to win the league, having had such a big lead at one time.” David Pleat`s expert commentary analysis with the Gunners leading Liverpool 1-0 in injury time in 1989. Thirty seconds later, Michael Thomas put Mr. Pleat`s suede brogue firmly in his mouth.

“Hargreaves must have dodgy pictures of him (Sven Goran Eriksson) or sumthink.” Ian Wright on Owen Hargreaves inclusion in the 2006 World Cup squad whilst covering a pre tournament friendly with Jamaica. Hargreaves of course went to be voted England`s player of the tournament.

“He`s a bit of a twat that Totti.” Big Ron Atkinson mistakenly believes his microphone is off whilst covering an A.S. Roma game for ITV. Two months later, he would make a similar gaffe of much less comical proportions with his comments towards Marcel Desailly.

“Here, you can have this; I wouldn`t wash my car with it.” Spurs chairman Alan Sugar famously hands over Jurgen Klinsmann`s Spurs shirt to a BBC interviewer. 12 months later, Tottenham would resign Klinsmann.

“I tell you something now, he`s gonna have to fight for this title. And I tell you honestly, I would love it if we beat them, love it!” Of course Kevin Keegan`s Newcastle surrendered the title to Manchester United some twelve days later.

He`s come over here from Japan, and he`s trying to tell us how to run our game.” Alex Ferguson, who came over here from Scotland, has one of those ‘they come over ‘ere, nick our jobs` moments when Arsene Wenger gets under his skin in March 1997. Twelve years on and Wenger is widely credited with reinvigorating dietary and fitness programmes for Premiership footballers.

“Tickets for the Final will be on sale from the Paxton Road Box Office after the match.” Tottenham`s PA system at half time in the 1987 Littlewoods Cup Semi Final, as Spurs led Arsenal by a single goal. George Graham was geared up to do his team talk, but simply looked at his players and pointed at the tannoy. The Gunners went onto win 2-1.

“I think we can go the whole season unbeaten.” Arsene Wenger makes a tit of himself in September 2002, because nobody could ever go the whole season unbeaten, to suggest so demonstrates galling arrogance and laughable??what? What about the 2003-04 season?