Date: 28th June 2008 at 9:43am
Written by:

You know those poor souls who are with someone, they get dumped by them, and then they can’t accept they’ve been dumped by them, and then go all psycho – turning up where they work, leaving them voicemails, doing all manner of spooky things as if the two of them were still together? Y’know, they can’t accept it’s over, take it with good grace, and move the fuck on? And leave the other person to get on with their life? Without the interference of the psycho?

Well, hello there David Dein.

Tango Man’s at it again. He’s like senator Palpatine from the new Star Wars films – just sitting there, waiting, luuuuuurking. The sleeper. And then… as soon as the chance arises… ‘I will rise up, and strike them down, reverse the order of things, and Arsenal WILL be miiiiiiiine!’

Bog off, man – will you? Dein’s become like a pathetic unfunny joke, that the same guy re-tells every time you see him, ’til you want to clump the twonk in the face.

He’s akin to a pantomime villain, isn’t he? No sooner is there a bit of negative uncertain news surfacing about Arsenal, than up pops Dein, proclaiming ‘Arsssssssenalll ssssshould ssssssell to OOOOsssssssssmanovvvv-ka-ka-ka…’, before licking his 360˚-revolving eyes, with his lizard tongue.

And of course, yesterday’s negative news was the mixed-messaged news conference given by Ade.

And you thought that yesterday, that orange glow in the sky was the sun-rising. Noooo – it was David Dein standing on his plinth bathing the world in his orange glow, telling the world about how Arsenal are about to crumble. Dein blathered,

Luckily, they have Arsene but you have to give the man a chance.

I don’t want to see Arsenal as the second or even third team in London.

I can see the way the game is going. The wealthier are going to get wealthier and more successful. It is getting polarised.

He [Usmanov] would change the whole dynamic of the club. At Arsenal, something has to break.


okay. Let’s take that sentence by sentence.

Sentence 1. Yes, we ARE lucky we have Arsene.He *seems* to be following the course that he wants to follow, ta very much Mr. Dein. I cannot say for certain, as I do not talk with Arsene Wenger, but I cannot imagine that the board would say to Wenger ‘we’re restricting you to buying kids. Oh, and you’re gonna have to sell that African fella for a fat profit.’

Sentence 2. Well, neither do we. At the moment, we ARe behind the chavs in the pecking order, tat is true. But, despite the £27.5m outlay by the spuds (how DO they afford this, year in, year out, spending consistently more than us, finishing behind us, then throwing MORE again in the close season, without finding themselves in massive debt? I know we pay much more than them, judging by our wage bill, perhaps that money they save on wages they divert into transfer funds.), I really cannot see the tiny totts finishing above us this coming season. So chillax, in regards to that one Mister Dein. So they’ve signed a hotly-tipped young mexican, have they, mister Dein? Well, we’ve got one of our own too, and we bought him for way less, loaned him to a couple of Spanish teams, and he’s coming to play for our team next year as well.

Sentence 3. Oh, he’s a bright one, this Dein fella, ain’t he. Yes, the wealthy are indeed getting wealthier. And actually, I don’t like it, it’s killing the sport as a competition. But my thoughts aside, let’s look at where Arsenal are. Well, the mancs and the chavs are up to their necks with debt. So while they may be rich, they carry more of a financial burden than we do. We are one of the top five richest clubs in the world, and we’ll only move up that list the more we pay off of that stadium debt, organically, and WITHOUT the help of any Oligarch. WE don’t need that help. The club is self-sustaining, and the debt serviceable.

Sentence 4. Yes, he would change the whole dynamic of the club. He’d fuck it right up. The fans would be up in arms. We’d lose our sense of identity of who we are as a club, and what Arsenal FC actually means. And as for the ‘At Arsenal, something has to break’ statement, perhaps, Mister Dein, perhaps on another day it would have been your neck, the day you were tossed out of her club for trying to sell it from under the noses of the board.

Seems like Usmanov’s help will not be needed either, if recent reports of Stan Kroenke being invited onto the board are to be believed – we will have our very own rich mofo on board. Not that we will be planning to smash the piggy bank any time yet. If the board are inviting him onboard it will be because they believe he shares their long term vision for the club – stability and success. Not sensationalism and desperation, like David Dein.