Date: 12th September 2009 at 11:16am
Written by:

Hello there! Long time no see! You look, er, nice. I like what you`ve done with your?shoes.

Anyway, enough with the excuses, it is unlikely I have been missed, but here is Tristan once again with some worthless opinions.

I start with the sensationalist ‘news’ that Cesc Fabregas is ‘unsure` that he will be with Arsenal next season. In an interview with Radio Marca he is quoted as saying:

I haven’t spoken to anyone. Whatever happens, happens, but at the moment there is nothing. I don’t know if I’ll leave the Premier League next year. I’m happy there and it is an important year for the club”

Which much of the press have reprinted as “Cesc to leave for Barca next year!” but to any right minded fan, the quotes are little more than polite and reserved conversation, with nothing to get concerned about from an Arsenal perspective.

Even so, whilst I have full faith in our Francesc, and believe that he`s a model professional, all round nice guy and with ace table manners to boot, there is a panicky, irrational side of me, the same side of that hears someone say the words ‘swine flu` and wants to jump in a decontamination bath and then spend the rest of my days living in a nuclear fallout bunker with just a toothbrush and a healthy pile of sudokus, always cacks itself every time I see stories like these about him leaving and thinks ‘Right, that`s it, Cesc`s off, that`s it for Arsenal. Game over man, game over!’ before locking myself in a nuclear fallout bunker with just a toothbrush and a healthy pile of sudokus.

It`s my only contingency plan okay?

It seems the only way Cesc can escape these rumours and allegations is by vomitting on a Barca shirt live on Match of the Day before surgically attaching an Arsenal kit to his person and branding the word ‘Arsenal` on to his forehead with a boiling hot poker.

In other news, Juventus have been linked with Emmanuel Eboue. If this news story had emerged last season I would have been whooping with joy and selling ‘Eboue’ Juventus replica shirts for £1.50 out of the back of a van, in a business venture I`d set up just for the occasion, quicker than you could say; “Hey I reckon you could make about £9 by selling ‘Eboue’ Juventus replica shirts for £1.50 out of the back of a van.”

However, in the last few months, the Ivorian, despite all his flaws, has grown on me, in the same way you might come to love Jar Jar Binks, another crap-but-sort-of-lovable character, with his comedic falls and hapless decision making, which he now makes up for with endearing work ethic, and now I`d be sad to see him leave.

And finally, Tomas Rosicky completed his first game in 20 months for Czech Republic yesterday, without once having his legs disintegrate or bursting into flames, so it looks like he may have banished his injury demons.

Touch wood.

That`s all. Cheers