Date: 28th April 2012 at 1:18pm
Written by:

Good afternoon from Bonny Scotland

I`m not going to be around later to post the starting line-ups, so unfortunately you`ll just have to make do with this.


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Playing Stoke away from home is always going to be a game where emotions run high, when you consider the shenanigans that have gone on between the two clubs over the years that`s no great surprise.

But when I say I want us to win this match possibly more than any other match this season, it`s no exaggeration.

I hate Stoke City Football Club, I hate what they stand for, but most of all I hate their baseball capped, tracksuited, bespectacled little slaphead of a manager.

“Harsh” you might think. Maybe, but true nonetheless.

Tony Pulis represents almost everything that`s wrong with the game. Not only the game, but the country, the continent, and even the world. There are beings from other civilisations from galaxies far far away, who are holding back on visiting our planet because they look down and see un-evolved Neanderthals like the Stoke City manager in positions of privilege and think that our species is just not ready for enlightenment.

So today`s game has nothing at all to do with getting 3 points. It has little to do with Arsenal taking another step towards sealing 3rd place and ultimately gaining automatic qualification into the Champions League, it`s not even about football anymore, it`s about doing what`s best for humanity and shutting up one of the more odious runts in the public eye and hopefully stepping up the next rung towards interstellar travel.

It`s a game we must win, like the wars fought between The Jedi Knights and the Dark side, between Spider-man and the Green Goblin, The Federation and The Borg, good must triumph over evil, battles have been lost in years gone by, but we must win the war.

There are small children all over the world who hide behind the sofa when ever Tony Pulis appears on the television, much the same as they did whenever the Cybermen attempted to defeat Doctor Who. But we must free these children from the horrors they face, we shall don our massive yet colourful scarves and weird hats and ensure that good prevails.

Arsene Wenger and his charges are all that stands between Tony Pulis & his army of c***s and intergalactic peace.