Date: 15th August 2008 at 5:17pm
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The new season is upon us and the time is right for….dancing in the street? Maybe. But whilst you find yourself some dancing shoes and do your make up in the mirror whilst singing into your hairbrush, chow down on the first edition of the season. One per club this week.

1. How long until all footballers over the age of twenty one collectively sue Arsene Wenger for age discrimination?

2. Can Martin O’Neill make it through one press conference without moaning about Gareth Barry?

3. Can Paul Ince make the jump from League Two to the Premiership, or will he be the managerial equivalent of Jon Stead?

4. Can Kevin Davies make four consecutive minutes this season without smashing someone with his elbows?

5. Will Abramovich keep his oar out and let Scolari do his job?

6. Did Moyes keep a straight face when he mugged Fulham for £11m for Andy Johnson?

7. Andy Johnson. £11m. What for?

8. Are Hull City on course to take Derby’s lowest points record?

9. Will Fernando Torres ever score away from Anfield?

10. Are Manchester City trying to wrest Newcastle’s crown of ‘football club most likely to be the subject of a soap opera’ crown?

11. Will Ronaldo be able to hit the heights of last season, or will he be distracted by the mirrors he will undoubtedly have installed in his boots?

12. Can Middlesbrough please get relegated already so I don’t have to visit that horrible football ground anymore? Seriously, the place makes me want to end myself.

13. Is Joey Barton capable of going three weeks without trying to inflict permanent scarring on somebody?

14. With Peter Crouch now signed, can Pompey resist the temptation to become the South Coast’s answer to Bolton Wanderers?

15. Are Stoke relieved that, with Hull City also promoted, they are not likely to finish bottom?

16. Will Kenwyne Jones be able to reassume his form of early last season?

17. Which hotel chain will be to blame when Tottenham Hotspur inevitably fail to finish fourth again?

18. Will West Brom’s cavalier football pay dividends in the top flight?

19. Is Alan Curbishley capable of putting together anything approaching an unbeaten run after safety is assured?

20. Will Wigan do anything remotely interesting this season?LD